you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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