Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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