he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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