in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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