I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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