Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
