i was born a porn star she said
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
