at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
