you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
