every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
