WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
