I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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