filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
