Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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