so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
