I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Randomize
