Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
