yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
