like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I think I just sharted jello shots
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
