rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
