Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!