There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
