Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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