Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life