tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
