your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.