This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
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I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
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the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.