i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.