I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.