That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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