Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
