This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
