i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
