i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I think I sprained my soul last night
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
