how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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