well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
