Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
