why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
