He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
