As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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