I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
