I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
