I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
