I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
