what day is it and did you see me today?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
