Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
