I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
