If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
