ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
