I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
