can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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