i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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