Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
