we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
