..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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