Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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