1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
