I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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