i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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