I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
