my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to sanitize my soul.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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