I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
