she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
