It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
