Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Congratulations! We have a period
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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