I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
