Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
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Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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