I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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