i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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