Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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