it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just googled if crying burns calories
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
