your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
