this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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