when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
