Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
