Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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