she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My life is pants optional.
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