Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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